Storage issues

....alternative title "I have nowhere to store the fucking beans!!"

Prepping (the cool term for being loony) is all about supplies.  Food, water, seeds, toilet paper (most important) medicines and, if you live in one of the more trigger happy parts of the world, gunsandammo.  To be fully prepared for a TEOTWAWKI or SHTF scenario one must have lots and lots and lots of supplies.

And you have to rotate them, cos otherwise they go gross and give you botulism or ebola or something. 

The other option is to have a LIST.  The idea being that you are obsessively monitoring the various world wide scenarios for DOOM and will know exactly when to get your ass to the shops and buy your supplies BEFORE the rest of the sheeple (another cool term for everyone in the world who is not loony) cotton on to the fact that they are all about to become zombie fodder.


Monitoring world DOOM is exhausting.  I know.  I do it.  A lot.

From Global Maps pinpointing unfolding disasters to conspiracy sites spouting some of the most randomly weird theories you will ever read to survivalist boards quietly comparing freeze dried food brands - I'm up to my glazed eyeballs in DOOM. 

But I know deep down that there is no way I will be able to respond quickly enough in a imaginary disaster scenario caused by latent paranoia  real life situation armed with nothing more than a hopeful  list.  So I need to stock up.  The problem being that I have absolutely no space. 

Semi-recent additions to my little family - aka new husband and two large stepsons, means our wee cottage is bursting at the seams.  Our loungeroom is now a shared bedroom, the dining table is on the back verandah and we have no spare space anywhere. 

So I am left with this conundrum, where the hell can I store my crazy-lady apocalypse supplies without alarming the cleaning lady??

Your thoughts and suggestions are welcome.